i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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