woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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