It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
