I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
