even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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