Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
