I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
only you would photoshop your dick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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