I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
