imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize