I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
