I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
