My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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