Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
