The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
