Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
