We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
