today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
