I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sex in a hospital.. check
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
