hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
