Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
