Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We just shotgunned beers for America
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
