Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
