six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
