so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When did angry sex become our thing?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My life is pants optional.
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