trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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