Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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