i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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