i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
