I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
as a side note pls kill me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize