But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
