I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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