dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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