I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
