Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize