no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
