hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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