That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
