Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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