Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
