your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
