He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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