Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
