dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
