The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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