I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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