I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
