I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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