We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
