Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
