we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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