when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
