I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
