I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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