Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
