Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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