I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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