why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
