Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
