So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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