so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
