he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
