I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
