I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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