Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
