i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm too high and old for this...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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