Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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