My pussy is not your playground.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
