I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
