I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
