So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
