My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
