If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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