do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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