you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
