Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
