I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
