what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
